“Aye Lain, you performing at Club Womb tonight!” My manager shouted from up above. 

“Tonight?, I thought my day was 11/11?” 

“Na, I need you out there ASAP. It’s your time to shine.” 

I immediately hopped out the bed to prepare for my earthly debut. I had to pack, get my nails done, a pedicure and my hair did! I can’t show up looking crazy.

So later that evening right after Oprah came on, I hopped in my Uber F.O. and floated through the cosmos to my destination. I pulled up to the establishment and was escorted to my dressing room. So y’all why was it the size of a newborn?! I was so cramped my knees were touching my chest. There was water everywhere…I damn near drowned! “Uh unh! They bout to mess up my baby hairs...How long are they gonna keep me in he-!” Before I could finish my sentence I was being dragged out of the dressing room headfirst, temporarily blinded by all the flashing lights.

“Must be paparazzi? No cameras please!”

As I slowly gain my vision, I can make out a masked mob dripped in all white. “Umm, I hope y’all just taking me to the VIP section.“ It turned out I was being rushed to something called the NICU.  

I could hear those bouncers talking shit about me on the way there. 

“What is she doing here now? Idk she’s way too early. What should we do with her?” 

“Wait huh? Early? My manager told me this was my day. Y’all must be confused.” 

I’m trying to explain why I’m here while they proceed to shackle me down to this plastic cell. “Hold up!! Y’all need to talk to my manager. Get God on the phone!”

The owner of the club, who I now call mom, spoke to God and He explained the mixup with the dates. So they uncuffed me and here I am today performing for the world. 

It was a bumpy ride to Club Womb, but needless to say, I made it out alive. 

Surviving my fashionably early entrance to Earth wouldn’t be the end of the miracles. Fast forward 29 years later, I did something those Club Womb employees would probably tell you is impossible. Y’all get this…I was healed from an “incurable” STD.

I bet you’re wondering how tf did you do that?!? 

Wellll let me tell you how it all went down….

Let’s rewind back to January 2017. 

Coming down off the high of living in the city that never sleeps, I was eager to get back to Atlanta to try this thing called life again. My first three attempts ended in two pregnancies, pipe dreams clogged with low self-esteem, a drained bank account, and me running back home to mommy because I couldn’t handle being an adult yet. Georgia was kicking my ass, but I just couldn’t stay away from the Peach State. I convinced myself that I knew what I was doing this time. “Just keep your legs closed and get a real job, Shalain! You got this!”  

If the third time’s a charm, the fourth time gotta be magic, right?

Wrong! So what had happened was…I made my way back to Georgia with the impression my kid’s dad would be joining me. After a million excuses on why he had to prolong his arrival to our new home, I decided to call it quits. It took 12 years and two kids to come to terms with the fact this relationship hit a dead end. Apparently, God had another route for me and I wasn’t gonna stand in the way. 

Or was I?

After the split, I was left with a load of things I couldn’t keep up with. A $1200 apartment, a $500 car note…my kids that needed food, clothes, love, and every second of my life. Trying everything from working at Jimmy John’s for damn near free to almost signing my life away to the Navy, I needed to make some money fast…but I was still caught up in my daydreams of being an entrepreneur. I was taking on creative gigs that were far between and barely enough to make ends meet. Meanwhile, hitting the snooze button on getting a “real” job. I thought that 9-5 life was gonna kill me y’all!  I was really living out the starving artist storyline with my “Just Gotta Make It” head ass!

So in the midst of me trying to figure out what I needed to do to turn my life around, I meet this guy and long story short…it was cool while it lasted but unfortunately, there was no happy ending to this entanglement.

To Be Continued…Join the club to get the rest of the tea, friends.

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