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  /  Let's Heal   /  Saturn Was Here pt.5

Saturn Was Here pt.5


I just knew I was on track to start my career as a life coach…but I needed coaching for my own damn life. Where is Mz.Iyanla?  

There wasn’t much space at my cousin’s house to accommodate my new editions, and it was starting to get uncomfortable. I needed to think of an exit plan quick.

Playtime is over, Shalain….What you gon do? 

After a few weeks of tough love, I decided to take my kids back to their dad. On the way down, I made a pit stop at my mom’s house in NC. So I’m sitting in the guest room, blankly staring at the wall…while the sound of my boys arguing over a video game played in the background. I felt like it was game over for me. I was so fed up with the way my life was playing out!

You’re almost 30, Shalain….what are you doing?! You have nothing! No money, no job, no man, and your kids are sleeping on air mattresses in your cousin’s living room! 

As I’m hurting my own feelings, I heard a little angel on my shoulder say you need to ask God to step in.

There was a pull on my spirit to get out of the bed, and my knees made their way to the floor. This was the day I opened my heart to God’s plan. Although I had faith in a Higher power, I wasn’t allowing it to work its magic. I was trying to commandeer how the outside world collided with me…but the reality is, I only have control over my inner world. Mastering my mind, body, and spirit was the end of my dominion. If I wanted shit to go right, I had to surrender to the Creator. 

I left my mom’s house with hope that my prayer was heard, and my life would turn around soon. Brent Faiyaz accompanied me on my ride back. We shed tears the whole way, while listening to “Eden”.

Now when I said my life would turn around soon, I didn’t think it would be within the next few days! I let God take the wheel and was led to my destination, y’all! 

After being blindsided by my baby daddy, I took this break to get my shit together. I woke up early and felt an inkling to get some fresh air. I grab my handy dandy headphones and begin my stroll through the neighborhood.

So I’m in my own little world, completely tuning out all distractions. Out of nowhere I look up and see a guy who was trying to get my attention. My music was so loud, I couldn’t even hear my own thoughts. “Oh, my bad! I had my headphones in”, I said as we introduced ourselves. Antonio was his name. We continued our small talk and discover we live right next to each other. He was in 1106, and I was in 1206. Our interaction felt familiar…like we knew each other in a past life. The vibe continued as he offered to match, and I took him up on the invite.  

The next few weeks were a whirlwind of emotions. We instantly connected and everything just felt right. I began to realize God sent me the man I was praying for….and his ass was across the street the whole time I was fantasizing about him!  

I was finally getting my happily ever after, but it wouldn’t come without the work! 

Against my “perfect vision” of how my healing would play out which was, 

Get your negative test and never speak of this again! Your new man won’t need to know about this little mishap.  

God said that’s cute, but watch this…

I was led to tell him about my situation, even though I was fearful he may not want anything to do with me, but guess what y’all…He still accepted me with open arms. Wow, this is what unconditional love feels like? I didn’t have to “fix” myself to receive it. It was then I knew he was the One. 

He told me something that made me realize the missing link in closing this chapter for a cure. I needed to have bigger faith….faith that I won’t be punished forever, and God can and WILL deliver me from this situation.

I was still a little weary of relieving myself from this Herpes headache so I had to call for backup. I needed all God’s soldiers to drag me to victory. I reached out to my sister’s prophetess for prayer.

I was sked yall! What if this was all a lie? What if I really do have to deal with this forever? What if I did all this shit for nothing? Whew, the intensity of it all.

I made my way back to Ms.Valerie and received another word from God. She delivered the message that I was already healed because there’s a calling on my spirit. I just needed to stay focused and not fall back into the same bad habits. I was instructed to fast and pray for the next seven days and listen for God’s guidance.

During my “spirit week”, I stayed away from everything except Antonio. As we sat in my jeep, he jumpstarted my search for the right test again. My first few attempts ended with my OB/GYN telling me the test doesn’t even exist. We’ll see about that! 

I put on my FBI agent hat one mo gain and was on a mission to uncover the one thing stopping me from proving these mothers wrong! After a few clicks around, I was led to the test to check if my hypothesis was true. 

The following day, I sat in the doctor’s office patiently waiting for the nurse to hijack my blood for the last time. It was time to close this chapter for good. Now I just have to wait for my freedom papers. 

I opened my eyes and quickly snatched up my phone. I navigate to my mail app and…..Oh shit! The results were in! Now let’s hope I don’t have to run backstage and get chased by the cameraman.

Despite my hesitation, I ripped the band-aid off and pried my eyes open to accept my results. 

Aaahhhhhhwnwkwkeowkndbrbbrejekwlsmwnjwknjjmgbbjwj!!!!! Thank you God, Thank you God, Thank you God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All I could do was give thanks to the most High. I spent that day celebrating the miracle I waited 4 years to receive. Not only was my physical health restored, I returned back to my Divine Self, strengthened my connection with God, and was rewarded with my person. I couldn’t have dreamed of a happier ending. 

What I learned was the Creator will always know how to fix its creations. All I had to do was clear out my bullshit, so I could hear what God was saying. 

If you’re reading this I love you and I hope you got something from me sharing my testimony. Don’t have me out here baring my soul for no reason lol 

BRB, friends. I have way more stories to tell! 


Your heauxlistic homegirl

Lain Doe 

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