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  /  Let's Heal   /  Saturn Was Here pt.4

Saturn Was Here pt.4


Okay y’all now we cooking with gas! I was finally free from the shackles of the plant-based demons. Now I didn’t go overboard, but it felt good to loosen up the reigns on my lifestyle. Well maybe I did go a little overboard…Remind me to tell y’all later how I blew TEN THOUSAND DOLLAS in the pandemic…doing way too much stimulating with my stimmies smh.  

And because of that little fiasco, I was forced to leave my apartment later that year. I went to stay with my cousin, Destini, in V.A. until I could figure out how to adult properly.  “Atlanta, I’ll be back soon. I won’t give up on us!” 

Before me and my boys took the first step to our new life, I had to drop some furniture off at their dad’s house in SC. My oldest son asked me if he could stay there instead of rolling with me. As heartbreaking as it was to separate from my boys, I accepted the change of plans.

I was beginning to let go of the “control” I thought I had over my life. I let the wind blow me where ever I needed to be. While I was registering my kids for their new school, I was blown back into a relationship with my sister. We didn’t talk much growing up, but I felt it was time to rekindle. All this spiritual work was paying off, huh? She invited me to church that weekend to get a word from her prophetess, Ms.Valerie. After the service, I fell in line at the altar and anxiously awaited my turn to receive a message from God. 

Ms.Valerie told me I was very intelligent and Einstein. That I always have to figure something out.

True True I see that, God. 

Then she began to describe the vision she saw for my life. She says I’m well-educated with a master’s and Ph.D.

Alright now! I can see that too. Dr. Lain does have a ring to it.

Now, this is where things started to get outta hand…

Ms.Valerie goes on to say she sees me on platforms [sharing my knowledge], and that I am a commodity to the world.

Whoah whoah whoah! Platforms? A commodity?! The same girl who used to have a panic attack when it was her turn to order food? 

She concluded with a message of encouragement, saying even though I may be broken, I can pick up those pieces and keep going. I had to put myself back together as I ease on down the road to wholeness. I head off to Virginia with a lot to digest. 

After a few weeks, I began to adjust to the change of scenery. I used my (kid) free time wisely by keeping up with my new habits. I watered my mind with the words of many authors and absorbed hundreds of YouTube videos. I was determined to grow into the woman I was supposed to be!

Okay y’all now it was time for me to step back into the real world. After trekking through this isolation phase of my spiritual path, I felt I was ready to be an adult again. Which involved money and interacting with actual humans. I picked up a seasonal job at UPS. I figured it would be cool to get out of the house and get some exercise. 

And by exercise, I mean almost get carried out on a stretcher!  

The first day was hell! There was no practice rounds. They just throw yo ass right in the deep end. Nothing could have prepared me for this brown box boot camp. 

Y’all it was so many commands to keep up with…and if you blink twice your assigned packages will be piled at the end of the conveyor belt…about to drop and give you 50!  

So after the first hour, I was ready to throw the towel in! Knowing I’m prone to passing out, I took a seat to avoid a disaster.

My supervisor saw me hyperventilating and asked if I wanted to go home. I almost took him up on the offer, but in a split second, I snapped back to reality. Na keep going, Shalain. You gotta prove these motherfuckas wrong, remember! I went to grab some water, and made it through the shift. On my way out, I overhear my supervisor say it takes about a week to get the hang of everything. 

A week? Ima figure this shit out tomorrow. Watch!  

So as I let my body recharge, I turned on a binaural beat (look this up, friends) which reprograms your subconscious while you’re asleep. A few hours after I shut my eyes, I was jolted up by a fiery current shooting from head to toe. It felt like God was shining a light through my whole body!

I look around, remove my headphones, and go back to sleep…not knowing I was finally about to meet the woman I was dreaming about. 

So I show up for work that night, and I don’t feel any different. I almost forgot about the out-of-body experience I had a few hours ago. I get to my station to begin my shift…Only this time my packing performance was so effortless. It was like my body was on autopilot acting out all the orders from yesterday’s training. Following all of the QA procedures, easily putting boxes in their place, keeping up with the conveyor belt…

The prophecy I received last week was starting to click. Wow, Shalain you might really be an Einstein. You always figuring some shit out! 

I can overhear one of the seasoned drivers complaining about how his truck wasn’t up to par. “Ugh, and look! they have the perfect preloader over there!,” him pointing out my divine packing skills that I picked up overnight. 

As I’m slaying these UPS boxes, I felt the urge to write…and when I say I write I mean WRITE! It was like my mind had diarrhea, that didn’t stop flowing until later that evening. I was releasing the remnants of bullshit my lower self was holding onto. I ended up purging over 60 pages of words. My higher self let go of any thought that didn’t match our new vibration of love. 


So tell me why all this happened on 11.11, which was my mom’s original due date. November 11th will now be celebrated as my rebirth day. I can’t make this shit up! 

A month after my awakening, I decided to go get tested again. I was positive Mr.Herp couldn’t have survived that magical moment, but I was sadly mistaken…until I read the fine print. There was a note that said this test does not distinguish between past or recent infections. Okay so I just need to find the right test? This ain’t over yet Mr.Herp, Ima prove I got rid of yo ass once and for all!

Over the course of the next few months, I was getting my bearings as a Divine Being. I fell in love with with her and just had to know everything about her. I started analyzing my birth chart and gained so much clarity on my life purpose, soul mission, and spiritual DNA.  

I was feeling good about this new me and started plans for what I wanted to do with her. I cooked up a whole brand to help creatives with their struggles, complete with merch, a book club, several podcasts, a YouTube and IGTV series…the works! The problem was I wasn’t completely out of my struggle yet, while I was busy tryna help y’all lol Real Virgo shit, right?!

So my bad habit of doing too much continued as I applied to go back to school for holistic life coaching. I was feeling myself a little too much and tried to fulfill my own prophecy. I fooled myself into believing I was answering God’s call. My ego was still in the drivers seat of my life and I like I said earlier I was bound to crash if I kept this up.

So about three weeks into school, everything I thought was coming my way got shut tf down! Long story short, I had to pick up my kids in a baby daddy drama-tic turn of events. I had to temporarily let go of my dreams to handle my motherly duties. I thought I was on the right path to reach my destiny, but I was taken on a detour. 

“I’m missing something here. Why is life still so hard?

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